Today was the worst. I am six days into my first cycle and I for the first time thought "I cannot do this."
I woke up feeling terrible. I was tired and dizzy and couldn't quite get my act together. More than not feeling well, I was just pissed. I was pissed that I couldn't get up and make it to work on time. Pissed that I couldn't make the grossness go away. Pissed that I have cancer and don't feel good. I want to be wonder woman and I want to be everything to everyone and today I couldn't even get in the shower on my own. So much for the cape.
I did everything I was supposed to do this week. I went to work. I taught dance. I did it with a smile. But I forgot to do it with a Gatorade or a bottle of water. By this morning, I was so dehydrated that my head was spinning. Thank goodness that nurse mom came to my rescue with some food, electrolytes, and a swift kick in the ass. I probably would still be hunkered down on the couch if it wasn't for her.
And more than even my mom, thank goodness for my niece. Mom happened to have her with her when she arrived to rescue me this morning. She wanted to play and I couldn't even move. I spent the morning feeling sorry for myself and thinking there was no way I was going to make it 24 weeks. I can't, I can't. But then I remembered that I could and why I could. I can make it because I have to. I have a niece that needs to play. I have classrooms full of little girls that need their dance teacher. I have people all over praying and supporting me. Get up and get your cape. It's time to go to work.
Thu, April 11, 2013
by Kara Ward