In case you haven't figured it out yet, I made the decision to proceed with the option of fertility preservation. I decided to freeze my eggs. It's not something I have been super vocal about outside of my immediate family because I really struggled with the decision. Being completely honest, I'm still back and forth on the point, but it was a now or never option and I had to go with now. When it all boils down, I couldn't bear the thought of looking back in three years and wishing that I had done it. You cannot turn back the hands of time, especially when we are dealing with a biological clock...that bitch. So I did it, it's done and we are moving on. I'm sharing now because it's done and over and it is what it is, and of course something funny had to happen in the process.
Now I have pretty much been a raging ball of hormones, zits, and tears for about 10 days. I essentially reverted to a 13 year old girl. Not a super fun experience for me or anyone around me. Don't get me wrong, I know why people do it. Kids are the best even when they aren't, and when someone tells you there's a chance you can't have a family, it is a big punch in the gut. So if you know anyone who has had to go through IVF or ART or any medically assisted means of baby-making, give her a hug and buy her a candy bar. She deserves it.
After days of shots and pills and appointment after appointment, I finally have made it to the finish line. Two more steps and I'm done. First is the trigger shot, second is an at home pregnancy test. Oh and third is more drugs and the actual procedure, but I'm hoping my friend Xanax helps me forget that part. The pregnancy test is a determining factor to ensure that the trigger shot worked. The test should read a false positive, confirming that all the stars are aligned and your baby-maker is in check. I've never been pregnant, nor have I ever attempted to be pregnant on purpose or accident. I don't keep at home pregnancy tests on hand so I had to go out and buy one. Thank you doc for not telling me about this until 4:30 in the afternoon. Because I'm tired and lazy and have been on the road at appointments since 5am, I decided Dollar General would do. Don't judge me.
Worst idea ever. Reminder, I live in a tiny little town where everyone knows me, my grandma and all of our business. What was I thinking? I quickly locate the appropriate department and grab the pamphlet and take it to the counter along with my flashy new eye shadow that I just couldn't pass up - that's right, I also by makeup at Dollar General, don't hate. Apparently EPT's are such a hot commodity at the DG store, they are locked up under the register. So here I stand, just hoping to get the heck out of there and get home. My hair is a mess, my socks don't match and I just want to take my pee-stick and go home. As I wait for someone to come check me out a small crowd gathers at the register, of course. I know every single person standing there. So I'm trying to not be rude and make small talk, but seriously, JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE! I thought I made it out unscathed, but now here stands the cashier, holding up a pregnancy test asking me if the generic was ok, because they are out of the one that I brought to the register. If you could have seen the look in everyone's eyes! Thank goodness I lost my embarrassment mechanism a long time ago. I just laughed and took my test and said my goodbyes. My life is a sitcom.
So let's just squash the rumors now. I know how fast good news travels in the village. I am not pregnant. Check back in 30 months. Next time I buy a test, I'll post it on Facebook and me and 258 of my closest friends can be the first to know.
Tue, April 2, 2013
by Kara Ward